I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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