Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
