I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
not ubering you a puppy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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