While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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