$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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