i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
