they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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