Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
