You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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