im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
