My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
