it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is my gift to your gina
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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