there's paper in my vomit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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