Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
