just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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