Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
