I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
