There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
