It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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