I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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