I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
