there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
