On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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