In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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