i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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