Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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