i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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