I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
