just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
