I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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