So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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