Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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