I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
