Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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