thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
