we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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