She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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