it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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