i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
