someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
