listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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