he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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