went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
