I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
