There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
