Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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