All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
