if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
