i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
