three words: i give head
three words: not that well
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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