Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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