Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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