I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
