There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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