I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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