i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
